Babywearing with Jess

Becoming a parent is really fucking hard…

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So I questioned if that was the right title for this post, but you know, I kept getting the same message I need to be clear and concise (I am a rambler if you didn’t notice from my writing already!), and say what it is I mean… and that is exactly what I mean, becoming a parent is really fucking hard.

 

So much of today’s modern society is disconnected from our “tribe” origins as social creatures. We used to learn a lot about child rearing and life from watching and participating in the process on others in our tribe before our own time even came along traditionally. You would have probably seen a family member born long before you became pregnant yourself.

 

You would have likely held somebody elses crying baby having no idea what the problem was trying to run through an endless list of “potential causes” of the shrieking…

Is it wet? Is it hungry? Is it tired? Is it the teeth?! You would have experienced this confusion and powerlessness long before you battled the sleepless nights and pacing hallways in the dark to stop the baby crying alone…

And as part of this tribal community, you would have others to guide and support you when it was your turn to have the “flip the world on its axis” kind of life changing shift that happens when you do have children of your own…

 

But we don’t. We live in a society where individualism has been the dominating provocation for many generations now. We live segregated realities focused on maximizing profits. Before the time of the industrial revolution we were more connected socially, we had to be still, we had to share resources.

 

The digital revolution is this double edged sword, one that helps connect us in a way that extends our networks beyond where they ever have before and one that goes across time and space. Yet at the same time, while internet groups, social media and parenting forums may provide support, we are also living in a very isolated related as a result.

Anyway my point is, is a social media society, we see the “golden highlights” even when people are sharing the bad, they probably are not sharing the worst.

 

And this life changing flip that happens and the real heart stomping struggles and sometimes overwhelming sense of isolation and failure or just “not good enough”. That constant second guess, that ever present self doubt. I think that is more hidden than apparent to many of us as we start to embark on this journey.

perinatal-mental-health

 

And I can’t help but think there has to be some relation to our continual expansion model of profit generations and our disconnected worlds has increased some of these struggles on an individual level.

Like symptoms of a society sick with a great number of ill’s, mental health and other issues are ever on the increase… I think its important for new parents to know, that struggle, those battles, that’s all totally normal… Its normal for babies to be incredibly hard work and its normal not to always enjoy it…

It is not said enough having a baby is hard. The adjustment to becoming a parent for the first time particularly is incredibly hard. It really is.

Babies are fucking hard work and they are demanding and its incessant and never ending…

Its ok to find it hard. But also ask for help.

Make sure you look after yourself.

Remind others you need help looking after yourself too if that helps.

Find a tribe. Find some support.

 

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And hopefully you find your “tribe” and with them you can bitch about the fact that your husband will never truly understand what it is like to do your role as a mum and you can find sympathy for the fact that sometimes it feels like it will never get better…

 

And hopefully your tribe is wise and kind and they will remind you that every stage will pass, usually just as you feel you are getting a handle on it, every stage will change…

 

And they will tell you that one day soon enough, though right now it might feel like an eternity, time will have changed your perspective and experience a little bit..

 

But if you are struggling, don’t continue to struggle in isolation, it won’t help you or your baby.

And be kind to yourself.

 

Someone told me once, if having a baby doesn’t completely change your whole world then you missed the point. Its true. Its meant to be life changing, but that also means it can be hard.

 

If you think you are suffering from Postnatal Depression, Perinatal Mood Disorders or other Mental illness, please seek help from your midwife, GP or other health practitioner or contact one of the support groups found here or listed in other links below – https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/in-crisis/support-groups/

It is also important to note, Fathers are also at risk of this, here is a great take on this aspect of the topic – http://greatfathers.org.nz/greatfathers/page/depression

 

Find some helpful links and resources here-

http://www.pnd.org.nz/

http://www.postnataldistress.co.nz/

http://mothershelpers.co.nz/

http://www.mothersmatter.co.nz/Post-Natal-Depression/Default.asp

http://www.mothersmatter.co.nz/Treatments/Selfcare.asp

 

More reading on perinatal mood disorders can be found here –

http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/what_is_postnatal_depression_-_panda.html/context/305

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11477073

http://cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=141&id=1537

 

3 thoughts on “Becoming a parent is really fucking hard…

  1. Pingback: Preparing you for parenthood..  | Babywearing with Jess

  2. Pingback: Preparing you for parenthood.. Being realistic about the struggles.. | Babywearing with Jess

  3. Pingback: Perinatal Awareness Week 2016 | Babywearing with Jess

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