Babywearing with Jess


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Never really “enough”?

Its a horrible feeling to just feel like you are trying so hard at so many things and maybe not doing any of them “enough” isn’t it?

Its hard even just factoring in kids and the house to EVER feel like you have “enough” time to do it all…

Then there’s things like self care, fuck who has time for that?! Where is that meant to fit in?? Then like, my husband, the person I made the children with… should probably draw some time on this conceptual pie chart for him too…

And my friends and family like my Mum and sister.. Oh and we have a dog and chickens (luckily they complain loudly when I forget to feed them, they have learnt well from the children…)

Now we have “role changed” and James is having a turn at primary caregiver I see him struggle sometimes with the same stuff I did in his position, but I have insight into how that feels…

It makes me hurt and I want to try and help him… That doesn’t help anyone.

Someone asked me how I was managing working from home…

I am lucky we have a separate dwelling on our property from the main house and I hide there. At first it was hard for me to hear the kids crying outside in the yard sometimes…

Initially in those first few weeks I would “come to their rescue”.. break my work flow, run outside and find them and try to “help”.. all that achieved was me effectively undermining my husbands ability to do his job as primary caregiver and my ability to get any work done….

Kids are loud and cry and scream sometimes, he has a different approach with them to me. But that’s the beauty of having two parents, they are different, that’s ok.

I dont want to fuck around and waste time being away from my kids. I miss just playing with them. In a rose tinted glasses version of course…

In his role, I just constantly felt strained and spread thin in a different way, often touched out and just trying to get away from them for a bit.

But if we are going to do this “role reversal” shit properly, I need to get a bit more “dad approach” about it. I can’t block out the whinging and crying like James can. I am sure that part of being a mum vs being a dad must be a bit instinctive..

Like cave people styles, imagine there was a lion at the mouth of our cave… The kid is whinging, instinctively my role is like “shhhh! stop! whats the problem? be quiet! there is a freaking lion at the mouth of the cave trying to eat us” all I hear is the whinging!

The cave man dad is at the mouth of the cave with his fire stick fighting off the lion, thoroughly engrossed in what he is doing… If the whinging drove him crazy too he couldn’t focus on fighting the fucking lion and we would all be lion food! I am sure for a lot of men I know anyway, they just don’t hear it the same!

So I have to take a different approach, my solution music. Drown out the noise. Or leave, run away somewhere else to work where they can’t find me and I can’t reach them haha

Someone I know said, “shit Jess you’re brutal. Its scary.”

Scary or not, I maintain, I am not going to be away from my beautiful kids and leave my husband to do a role I often feel I could do better, if I am just going to fuck around.

I don’t mean I think I am better at it than him its just my mummy instincts are strong, these last few months are the first time in over four years that I have focused on work not my kids and my family and my house. If I am going to swap and do the “money earner” role for a bit, I want to do it properly.

But now there are even more to things to juggle and I always feel like there is at least one or two balls I am dropping to the side… Probably most recently, self care…

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But it is not easy. I don’t think it is ever easy for anyone of us.

But, we are all our own worst critics usually you know, you’re probably doing better than you think you are x


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I didn’t babywear today…

For the first time since my youngest son was born eight months ago, I didn’t wear him at all today.

This weekend I have been hiding away from my kids and husband busily working on renovations in the wee cottage we have on our property. Painting and home renovations are very therapeutic to me; I am an “active relaxer” and in order for me to clear my mind, I need to be really engaged in something physically to give my brain space to think.

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Renovations in progress! Thanks to Mr 3 for helping pick the colours 😊

As I was contemplating that very thought, it occurred to me that renovations & home DIY stuff has been something I have turned to everytime I have been faced with something that seemed too big to handle.. When my Dad died, I completely renovated my house before renting it out. When his mum, my Nanna, passed away not that long after, I renovated my now husband’s family property. When I had a miscarriage not long after that, I retreated without my husband and son, to the new property which we had just bought and did all kinds of renovations there..

Maybe it is something about the old state of things being restored and renewed that helps me process and move forward from things. I always seem to have a sense of completion or I guess a kind of closure on that chapter of my life once I have physically finished the project..

Anyhow, as I was painting and thinking and processing and healing, a few conversations I have had recently with some of my beautiful mama friends kept coming back to me… And then this meme made its way into my newsfeed…

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Then the thought occurred to me that I think sometimes, I might be quite good at hiding it! 😉

Yes at the moment, I wear my kids quite a lot; yes I also breastfeed on the go with my youngest in a sling or wrap quite often; yes my youngest will happily “wrapnap” on me amongst chaos and noise; and yes, because my big boy has been carried a lot of his short life too, I sometime wear both of them at the same time! But we do this because it works for us and that’s not the same for others, and nor should it be.. Besides, just cause that’s what people see, doesn’t make it our constant reality, nor is it without its downsides…

The fact is babywearing is just a parenting tool, one I am very passionate about, but it is also a workout! Carrying around 10kgs strapped to me for usually at least a few hours a day for the last eight months has taken its toll on my body and I am starting again to have issues with old injuries after many years without thinking of them. Breastfeeding on the go is bloody draining, not to mention dehydrating, especially in this crazy hot weather! And if I don’t make self care and listening to my body a priority I am prone to getting “touched out” & snapping at everyone (I know this not because I am great at doing self care but more because I am actively trying to get better at NOT doing the latter)…

I was going to write more about Babywearing Self Care but think that probably deserves it’s own post… My point was more that those things are just the way we have best worked out how to cope with this transition to a family of four…

You may wish that your baby would breastfeed or nap in a carrier like mine, but I wish my baby would sleep without me beside him somewhere besides the hammock he has outgrown and yet we continue to try stuff him into! You may think it’s impressive that I will tandem wear my children, I am impressed your three year old will actually hold onto you when you piggy back them! It’s all perception and perspective…

We recognise each others strengths as parents, but how often do we forget all that shit and just pat ourselves on the back for the awesome stuff we do for our own kids?!

Comparison and self criticism seems to come with the territory with motherhood in my experience and yet we do ourselves no favours with it. Recognise the awesome shit other mums do, tell them about it & remind them they are awesome (we should tell each other more often I think!) but then do the same for yourself.

You are awesome, you do amazing things for your kids and your family, don’t let anyone (or yourself for that matter!) make you compare or question otherwise!

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