When I was heavily pregnant with Josh and got to that ‘oh man, I am so fucking over this’ stage was probably one of the first times I encountered this ‘enjoy it while you can’ concept from other parents…
“Get some sleep before the baby arrives”
“Enjoy it now!”
“Ahhh, I miss being pregnant…”
Highsight is a funny thing isn’t it?
Sometimes the things, events, times, phases in our lives that we look back on fondly, were not experienced in that moment with the same glowing perception…
When I was pregnant with Jai and at that same stage (I felt overdue by months with that kid even if in reality he was born on his due date), I faced similar commentary and even internal pressure…
“Enjoy only having one kid!”
“Make the most of it now”
“Oh I miss my time with my big kid now I have two – enjoy it while you can!”
Again, what?! Really?!
Yes I do look back on those timed now with a different, rose tinted version of reality. When it comes to pregnancy, labour and that fourth trimester our hormones have a huge job to answer for! In fact, they literally help trick our brains into remembering things with a bit of a blurry haze – there is a reason you feel so forgetful when you’re pregnant!
But the same of “enjoy it while you can” is often given to mothers pulling their hair out in frustration while in the madness of parenting babies and children. Of course many of us appreciate these may be the ‘golden years’ with our kids – days which we will some day be looked back upon with fond nostalgia and potentially longing to relive them…
But it is hard to remember that in the moment sometimes…
It’s funny, at the moment while I am largely still physically incapable of caring for/being actively involved with my kids in the same way as pre-accident and I miss them and that role.
But as I do slowly start to get better and am taking ‘shifts’ of parenting back slowly there has been many, many times I am reminded of the benefits of perception and highsight.
So when I am in the moment, literally covered in food or another persons bodily fluids and someone spills a juice on the couch or someone is smacking someone else over the head with a train track – I’m actually not, in that exact moment thinking, “these are my glory days!”
No. Far from it.
But then I have to give my body a break and rest again – I am still healing, I am not yet through the ‘six weeks off’ which was ordered to me when I had this accident and shattered my rib cage.
And in the down time, in those moment, I often feel guilty.
Guilty I can’t do more to support my family and care for my kids at the moment. Guilty I don’t seem to find it as easy to cherish those moments with my kids in the moment somehow more…
Guilty I am not appreciating this ‘forced rest time’ I’m in at the moment.
‘Mummy guilt’, its such a pervasive thing we put on ourselves..
But I am reminded of highsight, that one day I will cherish these moments, all of them; the good and bad, the frustrating and heart warming, all with the beauty and benefit of highsight.
And also I am reminded to focus on being in the true authentic moment. Whether that be pleasant or painful – knowing that this too, like everything else, will pass and one day will be a rose-tinted memory that I look back on.
And I promise, I will at least try not to be a jack arse that ‘forgets’ the actual reality of being in these kinds of moments and feeling stuck and telling others who find themselves there to “enjoy it while you can”!
I have blogged on this topic before, if you’re keen to read further rants of mine on the topic, check out past post, ‘Savour it while you can’ here – https://babywearingwithjess.wordpress.com/2016/07/08/savour-it-while-you-can/